Was This a Mistake?

“What mistake?”

In my bubble awareness, I experience fear as dread of my decision-making due to buyer’s remorse and post dissonance. After I’ve made a choice, a fearful afterthought of regret sets in motion more dread.

These afterthoughts are personal attacks or self-judgements based on self-doubt.

From the perspective of regret, I question myself about patterns of perceived mistakes,

  • “What’s wrong with me?”
  • “How could I make such a mistake?”
  • “Why can’t I do anything right?”
  • “Who do I think I am?”

From a conscious perspective, I question myself about patterns of perceived mistakes,

  • “What is the cause of my fear of making this choice?”
  • “How does my fear of making a mistake affect this choice?”
  • “Why am I perceiving this choice as a mistake?”
  • “Who am I to fear making this choice?”

How does fear affect my choices?

With practice, patterns of self-doubt develop into patterned thought-forms that automatically affect my ability to choose. Those defenses protect and validate patterns of regret, resulting in shame, blame, and guilt.

My present dread cause me to recall other times I made choices and felt the regret of making those mistakes about my choices. Such over-generalization (e.g., “I always make mistakes.” and “I can never be right!”) impose restrictions on any potential opportunities for making new choices. This affects my self-image (e.g.,”I’m a mistake!”) and consequently everything I perceive from that perspective.

Why would I allow fear to influence my choices?

I like to think I’m always choosing what’s best for me, yet, my choices often say different. Could I be protecting my past failed choices by validating that I can’t make good choices in the present? It’s possible that I’m merely defending what I believe cannot be changed. From my bubble awareness, I’m implying that I am my past mistakes. Because I am a mistake, I can’t help but make mistakes.

Who’s in charge?!

My need to maintain a specific self-image keeps me in check from changing that image. No matter how I doll that image up and set it on a pedestal, it’s still the same self image. How do I get out of this corner I’ve painted myself into?

Making mistakes is what choice is all about – each mistake offers an opportunity to consider another way of experiencing. What if choice is more of a game of chance than a test of what’s right and wrong?

Whose game is this?

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