Investigating My Fearful Manifestations

In my limited awareness bubble, what is true is also what is right. I interpret every manifestation according to what I intend to be right of me. The first thing I intend to be right about is my survival. I then work to prove that interpretation right, which I present as invulnerability to death. My fear of death makes me defend against vulnerability!

I hide my vulnerability to control my presentations of what I intend others to believe is right about me – that I’m invulnerable! I look for feedback to confirm whether my presentation is convincing or not.

Manifestation provides feedback I can use to validate my beliefs. Yet, when need requires belief to outweigh facts, interpretation of manifestation can be a powerful convincer.

“A man sees what he wants to see and disregards the rest.” (The Boxer, Simon and Garfunkel)

Because I can imagine a scenario in which even the most benign thing might hurt me, I live in a world of fear. That fear affects my interpretations, which affects my experiences!

Intention + Perception = Interpretation of Manifestation

Fearful intentions affect perceptions that affect interpretations of manifestations to prove rightness of fearful intentions. Because I live in a world of fear, here’s how I do this:

  1. I set a fearful intention to prove right my first intention, to survive.
  2. My perceptions make me aware of my symbolic representations of fear.
  3. I compare those symbols with my fearful intention.
  4. I interpret manifestations according to those symbols to fit my fearful intention.
  5. This interpretation proves that my fearful intention is right.
  6. I defend my rightness against the appearance of threat.
  7. Thus, I’m successful in fulfilling my first intention – to survive.

Since I tend to judge based on my sense of sight, my perceptual interpretation of visual appearance can affect the accuracy of my experience. For example, I might distrust a person dressed as a clown based on a scary experience I had of a clown. It doesn’t have to be a threat to present a threat. It’s in my interpretation of the presentation.

When I see someone else’s vulnerability exposed, I may feel relief that it wasn’t me exposed! On the other hand, their exposure confirms the possibility of my exposure. Thus, strengthening my fear of exposure and my need to defend against it.

Eventually, it becomes less about defending myself against real threats and more about defending myself against the appearance of threat. And what is the greatest threat? That which challenges my first intention – rightness!

What About Self-Inquiry?

How can I inquire about the true nature of Self when such inquiry may challenge my rightness and/or expose my inquiry to attack? How do I make a challenge without provoking a defense against it? What happens when I see myself as a threat?

As long as a question appears as a threat that invokes the very mechanism we described above to defend against it, how do I even begin to ask?

Please follow and like us:

Investigating How I Manifest My Life Story

In my limited awareness, I can interpret what I want to believe is true about me. Some of those beliefs I may not want to admit to – so I hide them in my secret vault of unawareness. However, that doesn’t stop them from manifesting!

It’s clear to me that even in manifestations of which I’m totally unaware lie useful feedback. Thus, manifestations offer a key to my understanding of me. In facing the secrets behind those manifestations, I create an opportunity for awakening.

Associating Cause and Effect

I associate my sense of knowing my life story as the cause of how something affects me. To me, it appears to be a simple cause-effect relationship. As I reach for further understanding and allow myself to be open, I may experience revelation into that which I’ve held secret.

It seems the more revelations I allow the less I fear revealing more – build my confidence with each revealing. The more I know about myself, the more I want to know – and the more confident I feel about asking. A sense of knowing begins to clarify who I am and what I truly want to experience.

Might that sense of knowing who I am affect my manifestations? And might those manifestations illustrate that sense of knowing? Might the association of Cause and Effect work as an indicator of what I believe about myself? That is, might my manifestations illustrate who I believe I am in the context of my life story?

Accountability and My Life Story

Life feels unsure until I feel sure about myself. Why? Because my relationships are an exchange of intentions in which I set myself up for an interaction that confirms my life story. I tend to manifest that which confirms my relationship with characters in my story. Even when unaware of my participation, I’ll still tend to experience results that conform to my intentions for the relationships in that story.

What if I self-regulate according to my life story. That is, I maintain my story in a bubble of limited awareness and I maintain limited awareness in order to experience my story as I’ve told it to myself. And I resist any and all detours from that story. Thus, I am accountable to the story, and the story is accountable to me. I wonder:

  • What’s so important about my story as I’ve expressed it?
  • How does this manifestation illustrate who I believe I am in this story?
  • Why so much investment in this story?
  • Who am I if not my story?
Please follow and like us:

My Personal Contribution to Global Consciousness

In my limited awareness bubble, there seems to be a consciousness on Earth that cares about and serves all life. For example, I experience growing numbers of humans connecting via social platforms all over the globe. We are building a network of care – making contributions to a collective family that supports a universal consciousness of love.

Why is this so? If not, why does it feel so real to me? Could I be experiencing my own creation based on my desires and calling it reality?

Who is perceiving this vision of connection? How does the WHO affect the HOW and WHAT of that perception?

What does my personal perception do to affect the perception of others? How does it affect global consciousness?

How does global consciousness work? What does my belief in a global consciousness contribute to it? How does my belief in its reality make it real? In what ways does what I believe matter?

Is It Just a Dream?

What if it’s all a dream – my dream – about ME?

  • How would I know I’m dreaming?
  • Does awareness of a dream make a difference to the dream, to the dreamer?
  • What am I seeking to illustrate with my dream? Who am I illustrating it to?
  • Do I feel like I am in charge of my dream?
  • Who does my dream affect? Why?
  • What dream am I defending? Why?
  • How do my feelings affect my dream?
  • Who is the dreamer of my dream?

Am I changing when I perceive the world is changing? Does my perception of the world change when I perceive that I have changed? Does the world seem more caring because I want to perceive it that way? Or is the world simply what it is – independent of my perception of it? How does my perception of the world affect the world?

What if my sense of the world is due to me noticing that I’m becoming more aware of my connection to myself?

In my limited awareness bubble, might I favor expanding awareness because I equate it to better survival? Regardless, how do my judgments affect my perceptions? Could the world be an indicator of my awareness of who I am?

What does the dream speak about the dreamer?

Is perception dependent upon and illustrative of belief? Might questioning my perceptions offer a pathway through awareness to belief?

Who am I looking at when I look at my world? Do I perceive me when I perceive the world? Do I master my world by mastering me?

Might love of others be an expression of self-love that I’ve extended into my perceptual world? Is my perceptual world an expression of how I love myself? Might that expression be a celebration of self – a love poem from me to me?

Please follow and like us:

Could Belief Be Its Own Defense?

In my First and Second Degree limited awareness world of competition and defense, I’ve divided up oneness with beliefs. A belief is basically a set of connected concepts I’ve separated out from all concepts to form or add to my story. My acceptance of that belief as truth becomes my defense of those concepts and my story as the story.

Belief as Authority

My belief, then, acts as an authority that proves I am a sovereign individual, free to think and act as I please. Not obvious to me is that I’m the servant of that authority, which is my belief.

Perhaps that’s why I rankle so much when someone, even me, challenges my belief. That challenge is to the sovereignty of my identity – who I am. I am my belief.

In a context of true vs false, my perception of separation defends my story from yours based on my truth. This pits my story against yours in a battle for “the right belief,” which connotes there is a wrong belief, yours. When applied to a group of like-minded individuals, a simple belief can grow to fanatical, perhaps dangerous, proportions.

Thus, my beliefs confirm my paradoxical concept of separation as the one and only truth. One might consider belief as the initial and fundamental defense that separates one into a competition between this versus that.

Belief as Defense

Because I perceive my right belief as separate from your wrong belief, I defend mine from yours, me from you. This belief in separation in sovereignty provides me with a sense of differentiation that I can use to compare – and defend. Thus, I confirm my rightness.

Comparisons can lead to competition in which every concept appears to defend itself against all others. This means that every belief is a defense protecting and protected by other beliefs.

When I say, “I believe…,” am I actually saying, “I defend…?”

To answer a question one must question the answer. When there is only one answer to a question, I’m probably dealing with a belief upon which I’ve placed a high degree of certitude. To dissolve the defense that is the belief, I must question my sense of certainty. Concerning my belief:

  • What is this belief protecting?
  • How is it protecting it?
  • Why is it protecting it?
  • Who am I protecting?
Please follow and like us:

Convoluted Identity, Convoluted Intention

In my bubble of limited awareness, I believe I know myself. I know what I want and need. I know my intentions. Then, why does life seem so uncertain when, at times, I don’t get what I intend?

My Convoluted Identity

I have my own story line based on my philosophies, which often get mixed with the story lines of others. This convolutes my identity, making it difficult to act with a sense of confidence. Sometimes it feels like I’m pretending to be what I deep down don’t feel is me – a lie. That lie affects all my relationships because it affects my identity, the central character in my story.

Especially when I’ve sabotaged my efforts, I feel there’s more than one me at work in here. That someone inside me is acting as a mimic of someone outside me who doesn’t like me much. Thus, the sabotage.

Sometimes my intention works out – though it often feels like it does in spite of my convoluted identity. This makes it sometimes difficult to have a clear intention.

Confusion on Top of Confusion

Feeling unclear about who I am can make it difficult to know who someone else is. This because I unwittingly externalize my unclear identity onto others. I feel confused and so, through transference, I perceive they feel confused. We’re confused! Within this confusion, I provide myself the perfect patsy upon whom to place the blame: you!

This often appears when my behavior is based on an attempt to be someone or something else – a persona.

Underlying every intention lie philosophies that identify who I believe I am in story form. I mostly learn who I think I am through feedback from others. And even then, I’m perceiving through a persona, an imagined identity, the result of convolution. Thus, I’ve created confusion on top of confusion!

Convoluted Intention

In the manifestation game, I’m always interacting with my beliefs. Sometimes I get what I want. I always get what I believe I need. No matter what, how, or why my intention, I’m going to get something I believe I need. What happens when I don’t know what I need because I’m unclear about who I am?

The “secret” to understanding the relationship between intentions and their effects is that

  • Everything I perceive manifests my intentions
  • Manifestation illustrates intention

I illustrate who I believe I am through my intentions as manifestations that appear in a metaphoric, meaningful story. A story made arcane by the convolution of identity and intention. To cut through the arcaneness of my story, I recognize that my memories and impressions about my experiences affect me today. My memories may be more than a series of historical documentaries. They may be illustrative stories about me. Thus, I might entertain some questions aimed at my memories:

  • What does that memory illustrate about what I believe today?
  • How does that memory illustrate who I believed I was in that experience?
  • Why do I continue to justify that belief today?
  • Who was I then and who am I now?
Please follow and like us: