My Intention to Resolve an Impossible Paradox

Intention

Within my bubble of limited awareness, underlying every intention is a perception of deficit from wholeness. With awareness beyond the bubble, I realize there is no deficit. It’s a perceptual paradox – a side effect of limited awareness. Meanwhile, back in the bubble, every intention is a search for resolution to this paradox. Yet, in searching do I not affirm and confirm the very paradox I seek to resolve?

From intention comes the need paradox – an acknowledgment of a deficit that, though never lost, requires restoration to wholeness. I then act to defend that truth by convincing myself I was right to perceive the need. This belief in need supports a Self that is dependent as separate from wholeness. Thus, motivating me to seek evidence to defend that truth – proof, such as stories borne of experience.

My memories and logic are based on those stories and so become my philosophy of life. The power of this mythical life turns my experiences into a cohesive reality that satisfies my need for defense.

Choice represents my philosophy by comparing what I experience with what I believe. I compare to compete to serve this paradox of perception. Choice works as a competitive form of reasoning. This unshakeable belief system forms one continuous philosophical story, a hero’s journey. As the hero, I triumph over challenges from the world outside the bubble. Thus, fulfilling needs through the use of defense.

Resolution

I satisfy my perception of deficit with an appearance of things and persons I feel complete this segment of my story… again and again.

In this way, a philosophical format connects intentions together to create a cohesive string of perceptual needs. Stories develop my intentions into an organized framework, making choices seem logical and justifiable.

My Paradox Resolution Process so far:

  1. Perception – a sense of separation creates a paradox
  2. Intention – a sense of need to resolve the paradox affirms and confirms the paradox
  3. Philosophy – the story line that sets the framework for choices that validate the paradox
  4. Choicedetermines the strategy for implementing a defense of my intention according to my philosophy

This is my resolution process from perception of deficit to choice. Thus, I intend for my perception of separateness from wholeness to serve the paradox it creates – whether or not I’m aware of it.

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How My Belief in Law Affects My Philosophy

My limited awareness bubble is based on laws and my need to follow them. To follow any law, I must first justify it as a law. My justifications create a paradoxical reality where reason considers philosophy as evidence in a cause-and-effect story. This convinces me that laws are real.

Therefore, I believe and obey external laws and their appearances of cause and effect in nature. In a similar way, I obey my internal laws, which manifest cause and effect of my philosophies in thoughts and emotions.

My internal laws seem as inescapable in their power over me as the undeniable power of external laws. My acceptance of fear as an internal law gives it as much power as the external law of gravity.

  1. External laws teach me about relationships within the natural world. This through a physical process. This insures that cause and effect are carried out in compliance with the laws that that process represents. Thus, I perceive interactions between forces of nature, like energy, matter, their functions and forms.
  2. Internal laws teach me about my *paradoxical relationship with self in its own world. This through a nonphysical process that insures that cause and effect are carried out in compliance with the laws that that process represents. Thus, I experience interactions of cause and effect in how I interpret my thoughts and emotions, choices and perceptions.

*A paradox is a statement that, despite apparently sound reasoning from true premises, leads to an apparently self-contradictory or logically unacceptable conclusion. Wikipedia

My Paradoxical Philosophy of Fear

My philosophies and the stories that define them are paradoxical. A philosophy keeps me accountable to laws through obedience. I feel I can’t control laws, yet, I can justify them using a paradoxical philosophy.

The stories I create to represent my philosophies string together the paradoxical effects of my thinking process. One law can have many philosophical cause-and-effect stories that defend it. For example, fear as a law dictates that my day-to-day story-lines should follow a philosophy that supports a fear of: lack, death, suffering, pain, being alone, etc.

Paradoxical Fear Equations

My logic equations illustrate how I process a paradoxical philosophy in defense of law. My equations protect and support my understanding and trust in law. This reminds me of an incident when I believed in and obeyed fear as a law while shopping. I backed that law with a philosophy of lack that supported it. At checkout, I realized I lacked the money for my purchases. That’s when a fear of lack kicked-in – “See, you were right to be afraid!” said my inner storyteller. My philosophy hijacked the law of cause and effect to justify my fear.

This fear-based illogical logic equation looks like:
Lack + Fear = Fear of Lack

A fear of lack is a fear of not having so, what I feared at checkout wasn’t about money. It was about not knowing what was going to happen next. That kind of not knowing can feel like an eternity of psychological torture. At any moment, I can find myself wanting to escape from a future I fear might happen. That experience confirmed that I am always subject to my beliefs through my process. I realized then that I was living with paradoxical equations that differ from my present intentions.

This fear-based illogical logic equation looks like:
Not knowing + Fear = Fear of not knowing

Ultimately, my thinking supports a process in which paradoxical philosophies defend paradoxical laws.

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Transformation of Resistance into Acceptance

One of the cardinal characteristics of Second Degree of Illumination awareness is psychological resistance. I sometimes refer to it as defensiveness. What is it you resist: A change? Yourself? Someone you don’t like? A concept you find difficult to understand?

According to Newton’s Law of Inertia, opposition to change is a natural physical law. I like to think I obey the law – which gives me little comfort when I’m suffering from a case of inner conflict!

In my world, I know what is right and oppose all challenges to that! Maybe my opposition extends to anything resembling a challenge. That is, I oppose everything I think might appear different from what I think it should appear.

Resisting Acceptance of Self

Resisting keeps me firmly within bubble awareness. This protects my conscious awareness from the imagined “horrors” of Fourth Degree of Illumination acceptance of personal accountability. Within the bubble, I define accountability in terms of blame. I don’t want to be blamed, so I avoid liability or assign it to “others.”

Trouble with blame is that, as the owner of my perceptual world, there is no one outside me to accept it! So, blame goes down as an attribution error – full of pain! I don’t like pain and, yet, here I am – producing it for myself by resisting. And, the more I resist the pain, the more pain I feel. Egad!

How to Transform Resistance into Self Acceptance

Resistance is an essential element of awareness, without which I’d notice nothing. Like you need friction in order to feel something, the reason you notice something is because it represents a concept that resists the oblivion of unawareness.

What might happen were you to take charge of your struggle against acceptance? How would acknowledging your creation affect your experience as a human in a world of your own imagination?

Through my recent practice of meditation, I’m coming to a realization that I am the creator of my perceptions. This awareness transforms psychological resistance into acceptance and gratitude.

When you feel physical pain, emotional distress, or mental struggle, meditate on questions like these:

  • What/who do I resist right now? (alt: What/who do I fear/need?)
  • How do I resist it/them? (alt: How does that fear/need appear?)
  • Why do I resist it/them? (alt: What do I get out of fearing/needing this?)
  • Who am I as a result of resisting this/them? (alt: What/who does my fear/need affect?)

(IMPORTANT – listen for a question! If you hear an answer, it’s probably your ego speaking your expectation – confirming your current belief! Just ask the question and listen to the silence.)

I may then meditate on positive affirmations that support self-acceptance. For example:

  • I accept who I am now.
  • All my perceptions reflect who I think I am.
  • I am the creator of my perceptions.
  • I love everyone when I love myself.

Within First-Second Degree of Illumination bubble awareness, meditation is a form of personal responsibility that serves to awaken a sleeping Self. This affords me opportunities for Third Degree of Illumination choice, which then opens my awareness to Fourth Degree of Illumination acceptance of self-accountability.

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The Relationship Between Ownership, Value, and Service

In First-Second Degree of Illumination bubble awareness, I perceive ownership as authority backed by power to act upon what can be acted upon according to its value for service in fulfilling the owner’s intended need or want.

A perception of need for wholeness arises when we imagine dividing ONE into separate parts – the Humpty Dumpty metaphor. This effect of imagination presents a picture of who we are not – divided and dependent upon other parts to make us whole. A constant perceptual conflict appears between a reality we deny and an illusion we believe is real.

In my bubble awareness, imagined separate “me” needs to continually validate its value to the whole. It does this by comparison to that imagined in things it can control through ownership. This process serves the cause to return to wholeness by feeling more whole.

The Relationship between Need and a Thing’s Value

The measure of a thing’s value is in its ability to satisfy the requirement of the need it serves.

Within the bubble, ownership is measured in terms of value and investment. One invests, for example, a certain amount of what represents their personal value, such as money, in order to gain ownership of some property in the hope of a return on investment (ROI) in their favor.

Values are integral to service. I value my bed, for example, because it serves my daily requirement for sleep by giving me a comfortable place to serve that need. How much I value my bed depends on how much I value my need for a comfortable place to sleep.

The Relationship between Ownership and Service

In bubble awareness, I perceive everything as separate – acting and acted upon according to its value toward service of my needs. I assign value to things based on my level of need for a specific service. Through my sense of ownership, I perceive a validation of my value in an owned thing’s level of service to my needs.

In interpersonal relationships, I use this perception of power and authority in ownership to an advantage over others. “Because I control you, I’m more valuable than you, which validates my level of value.”

The Relationship between Ownership, Service, and Value

Fundamentally, I must survive. Therefore, I have needs. I own, value, serve, and receive service in order to:

  • Satisfy needs
  • Validate my separateness
  • Address fears
  • Seek oneness
  • Defend my investments
  • Feel whole!
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Intention and Fulfillment

No matter how determined the baby is, it won’t derive nourishment from sucking its thumb. No matter how determined an intention may be, it can’t fulfill a want without an appropriate action.

My Intention turns What into Why

You may believe you know what you want and how to get it. Yet, when frustrations come, you may not know to ask why you didn’t get what you wanted. Once I establish routine patterns of thoughts and actions, questioning them becomes difficult. We may live with routine frustration and failure, never knowing why we hurt or how we lost our sense of purpose. Our behaviors tell more about us than our thoughts and feelings. Yet, once acceptance of failure and frustration have been implemented there seems no need to question them – “It simply is what it is.”

There is always an intention with every action, though you may not be aware of it. The results of your intentions and actions is feedback to your understanding.

Sometimes I interpret feedback as frustration. Yet, frustration and failure need not be the focus. Understanding your intentions helps you accept accountability for them. Meditate on these four questions to illuminate your hidden intentions:

  • What do I need and deny in this experience?
  • How does this experience illustrate that need and denial?
  • Why do I need and deny this?
  • Who am I because of my need and denial?

The answers to why we think, feel, and do as we do may stem from one cause, one specific intention. Knowing that cause is the smoking gun of opportunity, which offers us power over frustration and failure! Intentions may be a natural characteristic of life, yet, their fulfillment requires a clearer understanding of them.

When I question why I believe I am who I am, I reveal my intention, and the frustration and failure I felt transforms into –

I love who I am.

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