How to Recognize Yourself in a Feed Mirror

“You are what you eat,” is a phrase I’ve used inside the duality of First-Second Degree of Illumination bubble awareness, in which I feed along with every other life-form on earth. It’s a natural law of the physical world! How might this feed occur on other levels of my being – mental and etc. – to validate my existence at each level? How can I use that information to recognize who I am in a feed mirror?

Sometimes I notice I’m being fed upon as a sense of draining of my personal energy. When I’m feeding on others, I still feel a drain on my energy as I work to satisfy my needs. In every case, I feel my defenses kick into action to protect myself from depletion – which depletes my energy.

Who is this Depletor of which you speak?

For the most part, I define myself in terms of my perception of others. That means, in effect, that I’m dependent upon my imagination of you to give me identity. Who I am is who I imagine I am in comparison with my image of you. You and I are systems of competing concepts that I imagine as real.

To me:

  • You are you because you are not me.
  • I am me because I am not you.

Therefore, I can define…

  • You in terms of me.
  • Me in terms of you.

To me, you are your job, your relationship to me, your physical looks and actions compared to mine, my history with you, and a lot more – ALL imagined by ME. There is no “you”, no “others” – only my perception of you – a perception firmly grounded in an imagined duality that affords comparisons.

I feed on you to identify me.

Basing my identity on a comparative feeling I have about my image of you (as not me), “I feel good/bad about myself compared to someone else.” In a world of duality and comparisons, I feel bad compared to someone else I perceive feels better. I’m okay compared to someone I perceive as not [as] okay.

I define myself in terms of others… therefore… When I feed on you, I perceive I’m depleting you, yet I’m actually taking something from me… This because I’m unaware of WHO I AM.

My identity is who I FEEL I am compared to how I imagine someone else FEELS about themselves. That’s the mirror – sensing how others feel about themselves helps me solidify my definition of me – because I imagine “they” identify themselves in the same way I do.

We are programmed to feed, we can’t deny it and we can’t help it – we have to feed to exist.

Using the mirror!

I am who I think you think I should be. I mirror you, you mirror me. We all feed in front of a mirror that reflects WHO is doing the feeding. To ME, that mirror reflects the real ME no matter who I think I see in the mirror – while I defend myself by interpreting the image as who I am not. I must work to deny who I am, feeding on myself – which depletes my energy!

No matter how satisfying it feels, or how determined the baby is, it will not gain sustenance from sucking its thumb!

Although I sense a feed beyond my five natural senses, the feeding process taps into systems that govern and strongly influence the form of the feeding and the fed upon. I can appeal to my governing systems, the mind and heart, to help me recognize who I am in this feed.

Because the mirror reflects an image of who I am while not itself being who I am, I can identify myself by focusing on the reflection (who I really am) rather than the mirror (what I work to deny).

Consider the following types of feeds. How does each one make you feel? Who are you denying – the real you – in each feed? Add whatever feed you encounter that captures your attention.

  • Type of feed (who I am not) – who I really am (that I work to deny in this feed)
  • (example) The “victimized” feed – I am powerful!
  • The “doomsday” feed
  • The “conspiracy” feed
  • The “bad things happen to bad people” feed
  • The “good things happen to other people (not me!)” feed
  • The “I can’t do anything right” feed
  • The “Nobody understands me” feed
  • The “If only” feed
  • The “gossip” feed
  • The “should/should not” feed
  • The “never enough” feed
  • The “labeling” feed
  • The “pessimist” feed
  • The “know-it-all” feed
  • The “unappreciated” feed
  • The “you don’t respect me” feed
  • The “resentment” feed
  • The “regret/shame/blame” feed
  • Continue with your own observations… of who you are by what you deny!

Everything Feeds Down Here

“Everything feeds down here” represents my view of the instinctual world, in which every living thing must eat in order to survive. In this world, it feels like I have free will, and yet I experience a life of complete control – lots of “musts” and “have to’s” – needs.

All living things instinctively feed to survive. Humans have learned to feed on multiple levels of life, including themselves. There is a metaphoric similarity to the physical feeding process – at the psychological level. When the mind allows thoughts and emotions to create and play out need/fulfillment scenarios, loss and gain can seem just as real as at the physical level.

I define “feeds” as actions intended to satisfy a need by depriving another life form a choice of energy flow. A feeder is one who lives by this credo.

One type of feeder is the parasite, that takes from its host without apparent benefit to the host. I become such a feeder when I perceive a lack or need in my Self and consider a plan of action to fulfill that need at the expense and without regard for the welfare of an intended target. In that frame of mind, I seek out and find a target that represents what I believe will fill my lack. Then I act without conscience to take what I need – usually through attack. I then justify satisfaction of my need/fulfillment through defense of my actions – “I had to…” and “I had no choice…”

Soon, I find myself defending my defense – often by attacks of increased ferocity, which often results in even more feeding and more attacks. This self-supporting feeding pattern appears behaviorally like when one loses self-control – like losing one’s temper.

Recognize the Second Degree of Illumination defense in this?

Once a feeder draws life from its prey, a sense of disconnection occupies the feeder’s mind, which must forever after justify itself for an energetic reward. Psychological feeding becomes its own reward – a “fix” that I must have.

The feed process is a causal system:

  • the mind allows thought to perceive lack in its Self.
  • thought seeks to end lack by instinctual means – to act without conscience – conscious connection.
  • thought closes the circuit of its process by justifying its actions and by attaching emotional support to thought truth – memory.

My mind begins to understand wholeness as I practice being aware of connection. When I believe I am whole, I can believe I am my own source.