psychological feed

How to Recognize Yourself in a Feed Mirror

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“You are what you eat,” is a phrase I’ve used inside the duality of First-Second Degree of Illumination bubble awareness, in which I feed along with every other life-form on earth. It’s a natural law of the physical world! How might this feed occur on other levels of my being – mental and etc. – to validate my existence at each level? How can I use that information to recognize who I am in a feed mirror?

Sometimes I notice I’m being fed upon as a sense of draining of my personal energy. When I’m feeding on others, I still feel a drain on my energy as I work to satisfy my needs. In every case, I feel my defenses kick into action to protect myself from depletion – which depletes my energy.

Who is this Depletor of which you speak?

For the most part, I define myself in terms of my perception of others. That means, in effect, that I’m dependent upon my imagination of you to give me identity. Who I am is who I imagine I am in comparison with my image of you. You and I are systems of competing concepts that I imagine as real.

To me:

  • You are you because you are not me.
  • I am me because I am not you.

Therefore, I can define…

  • You in terms of me.
  • Me in terms of you.

To me, you are your job, your relationship to me, your physical looks and actions compared to mine, my history with you, and a lot more – ALL imagined by ME. There is no “you”, no “others” – only my perception of you – a perception firmly grounded in an imagined duality that affords comparisons.

I feed on you to identify me.

Basing my identity on a comparative feeling I have about my image of you (as not me), “I feel good/bad about myself compared to someone else.” In a world of duality and comparisons, I feel bad compared to someone else I perceive feels better. I’m okay compared to someone I perceive as not [as] okay.

I define myself in terms of others… therefore… When I feed on you, I perceive I’m depleting you, yet I’m actually taking something from me… This because I’m unaware of WHO I AM.

My identity is who I FEEL I am compared to how I imagine someone else FEELS about themselves. That’s the mirror – sensing how others feel about themselves helps me solidify my definition of me – because I imagine “they” identify themselves in the same way I do.

We are programmed to feed, we can’t deny it and we can’t help it – we have to feed to exist.

Using the mirror!

I am who I think you think I should be. I mirror you, you mirror me. We all feed in front of a mirror that reflects WHO is doing the feeding. To ME, that mirror reflects the real ME no matter who I think I see in the mirror – while I defend myself by interpreting the image as who I am not. I must work to deny who I am, feeding on myself – which depletes my energy!

No matter how satisfying it feels, or how determined the baby is, it will not gain sustenance from sucking its thumb!

Although I sense a feed beyond my five natural senses, the feeding process taps into systems that govern and strongly influence the form of the feeding and the fed upon. I can appeal to my governing systems, the mind and heart, to help me recognize who I am in this feed.

Because the mirror reflects an image of who I am while not itself being who I am, I can identify myself by focusing on the reflection (who I really am) rather than the mirror (what I work to deny).

Consider the following types of feeds. How does each one make you feel? Who are you denying – the real you – in each feed? Add whatever feed you encounter that captures your attention.

  • Type of feed (who I am not) – who I really am (that I work to deny in this feed)
  • (example) The “victimized” feed – I am powerful!
  • The “doomsday” feed
  • The “conspiracy” feed
  • The “bad things happen to bad people” feed
  • The “good things happen to other people (not me!)” feed
  • The “I can’t do anything right” feed
  • The “Nobody understands me” feed
  • The “If only” feed
  • The “gossip” feed
  • The “should/should not” feed
  • The “never enough” feed
  • The “labeling” feed
  • The “pessimist” feed
  • The “know-it-all” feed
  • The “unappreciated” feed
  • The “you don’t respect me” feed
  • The “resentment” feed
  • The “regret/shame/blame” feed
  • Continue with your own observations… of who you are by what you deny!

Everything Feeds Down Here

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“Everything feeds down here” represents my view of the instinctual world, in which every living thing must eat in order to survive. In this world, it feels like I have free will, and yet I experience a life of complete control – lots of “musts” and “have to’s” – needs.

All living things instinctively feed to survive. Humans have learned to feed on multiple levels of life, including themselves. There is a metaphoric similarity to the physical feeding process – at the psychological level. When the mind allows thoughts and emotions to create and play out need/fulfillment scenarios, loss and gain can seem just as real as at the physical level.

I define “feeds” as actions intended to satisfy a need by depriving another life form a choice of energy flow. A feeder is one who lives by this credo.

One type of feeder is the parasite, that takes from its host without apparent benefit to the host. I become such a feeder when I perceive a lack or need in my Self and consider a plan of action to fulfill that need at the expense and without regard for the welfare of an intended target. In that frame of mind, I seek out and find a target that represents what I believe will fill my lack. Then I act without conscience to take what I need – usually through attack. I then justify satisfaction of my need/fulfillment through defense of my actions – “I had to…” and “I had no choice…”

Soon, I find myself defending my defense – often by attacks of increased ferocity, which often results in even more feeding and more attacks. This self-supporting feeding pattern appears behaviorally like when one loses self-control – like losing one’s temper.

Recognize the Second Degree of Illumination defense in this?

Once a feeder draws life from its prey, a sense of disconnection occupies the feeder’s mind, which must forever after justify itself for an energetic reward. Psychological feeding becomes its own reward – a “fix” that I must have.

The feed process is a causal system:

  • the mind allows thought to perceive lack in its Self.
  • thought seeks to end lack by instinctual means – to act without conscience – conscious connection.
  • thought closes the circuit of its process by justifying its actions and by attaching emotional support to thought truth – memory.

My mind begins to understand wholeness as I practice being aware of connection. When I believe I am whole, I can believe I am my own source.