problem solving

My Personal War of Hidden Intentions

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“My intentions were good!” How many times have I heard or said that? An action based on a good intention can seem to be the right thing to do at the time. Yet, an intention may give itself permission to act outside of conscious awareness. Thus, a hidden intention in a limited awareness bubble.

I’ve heard it said, “It’s easier to get forgiveness than permission.” Some of us take that idea seriously when inserting our own special kind of service to our world. Yet, an unsuspecting do-gooder can face disapproval or worse for their well-intentioned interference.

Sometimes, even when my heart is in the “right place” I end up hurting myself or someone else. Because my heart desires connections, I have to wonder why my intentions result in disconnection. Could I be unconsciously pitting one intention against another?

And So, the War Begins!

Perhaps I have a war raging between intentions. The intention to survive may view the intention to connect as a lower priority than personal safety, for example. Relationships present ambiguous threats to safety! This is a perfect environment for conflict – a war of intentions!

My intentions are always about problem-solving for the better. This is particularly confusing when the problem is my ambiguous intentions.

All too often, I have no idea how a hidden intention invaded my actions that hurt people. I trust that if I say I had good intentions, others will somehow give my hurtful behaviors a pass. I think I can escape accountability for my intended behavior by excusing it with “best intentions.” The real intention, then, was to protect myself from accountability for my unconscious actions.

Here are some questions I can ask myself to help reveal my conflicting intentions in personal relationships:

  • What am I feeling right now? What do I imagine others are feeling right now?
  • How does this difference in feelings present a conflict of intentions?
  • Why do I need to make others feel this way?
  • Who am I? Who would I rather be?

Stopping the War of hidden Intentions!

The default is ambiguity. Ambiguity allows my defensive self some latitude in its plausible deniability. That is, I can always fall back on, “I didn’t intend… blah, blah, blah!” and, “My intentions were good.”

Observing the reactions of others opens a window into my own hidden intentions. It’s not too late to ask a question. It doesn’t have to be painful, and it’s not a waste of time! Asking some useful questions can help clarify ambiguous intentions and maybe stop the war. Communicating clear intentions tends to clarify understandings in relationships.

Problems I Need to Solve

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Problem solving is at the foundation of learning and change. I wonder if it’s possible to not engage in that activity all the time. It’s a characteristic of all living things.

In my bubble awareness, I perceive my life in terms of problems I need to solve. When troublesome situations arise, I obsess on finding an answer to them until I feel satisfied I’ve found one.

Judging everything seems to be a pattern for me. Wherever I go and whatever I do, it seems, I’m searching for something to fix. It’s as though when I look for problems, they appear – giving me a sense of purpose in solving them.

 Appreciating Problems

I could view my problem-solving as an obsession. Others might see it in a more favorable light – as intervention with what IS to create what IS better.

Problems and their call for solutions may be the answer to awakening – through service – by providing opportunity to fix what some say ain’t broke. It’s a burden!

Consider the inspiration that drives every workable solution. It’s that purposeful act of selfless service we all have trouble seeing in the problem-solvers of this world.

In my bubble, when I solve a problem that others may not even be aware of, I restore balance to the universe. You’re welcome!

Investments Can Create Problems

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What about Investments?

In my bubble awareness, I perceive that I have a problems – “needs” – debts I believe were imposed upon me and that I must satisfy through endless personal investments. It’s like being in a pit, seeking to escape by digging deeper. Any hope for freedom only reinforces my investment to keep digging. A problem arises when I don’t recognize the futility of my situation.

As long as I believe that there are problems to be solved, I can never feel safe in my bubble awareness. Thus my investment in solutions in the form of weaponry, security, defense, and vigilance. Yet, does war solve the problem of war? How can a problem solve a problem? My need for investment in problems is not a solution.

Changing the context of my reality

The reason I believe there are problems to be fixed is because I believe I’m a problem that needs fixing. To change that belief, that reality, I want to see myself as I am rather than as I am not. Once I am no longer a problem nor a solution to a problem, I can choose to see reality as it is. I wonder, could this be the final solution?

What Universe Am I Missing?

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I exist in a multi-dimensional universe, of which I perceive a tiny fraction. For example, although frequencies of electromagnetism extend from sub-audible to ultraviolet and beyond, I perceive only those frequencies that match or closely match those of my senses. I perceive what matches my beliefs. I only accept experiences that are in harmony with my understanding. What universe am I missing?

I filled my daily life with what I think I can handle. When new or different stimuli enters my routine, I challenge it as a threat to my physical, mental, and emotional universes. This engages my problem-solving programs. What universe am I missing when I see threats as problems needing to be solved?

Interactive Universes

When I try to solve a problem I perceive comes from one of my interactive universes, I can seek aid from other universes. For example, when I’m experiencing an emotional overload, I can call upon my body and mind.

All the while I’m busy creating and solving problems, I’m moving through universes of experience. Even though these systems appear to work together, I’ve limited myself to attending to them one at a time.

What if I live in multiple dimensions of thought in this universe? And what if there are multiple universes of which I experience but one at a time? Multiple dimensions, multiple universes – what more? I ask.

Might I apply one aspect of my imagination to bridge capabilities to other dimensions and universes of thought? Can I add to and subtract from realities that I choose to focus out of and into? What’s the limitation?

I rely on my imagination to give this imagined reality support as right – modifying and manipulating my perceptions of it rather than making adjustments to the actual dimensions themselves. Change perception to change reality. Hmm, that sounds doable.

Attention Feeds My Fear

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What I give attention to grows! I have a problem-solving mind. And because of this, my mind seems to forever need problems to solve. Sometimes I feel I’m creating the very problems I then must solve.

In my First-Second Degree of Illumination bubble awareness, I focus my attention on that which I fear. I fear what and who I perceive “I’M NOT.” It’s automatic and a problem that must be solved!

That fear adds a perceived value to what and who “I’M NOT”- a value I feel I’m missing. Problem! I may feel I gain a sense of being complete when I add that perceived value to an external substitute – like a loved one, pet or new gadget. Yet, that sense of wholeness is a temporary condition that convinces me that the addition completes my value. Problem solved! Or have I just created another problem?

Each problem I think I’m solving creates a drain on my energy and resources. This drain I call a fear-feed on my attention. Because I feel dependent on external value, I always have this unwhole problem to solve. This distracts my attention from those interests that validate my wholeness. I can take charge of my attention and focus it where my consciousness takes me – beyond measurable value.

A thought has no feed value without attention. The objective of fear is to capture and feed on my attention.

In bubble awareness, I associate fear with survival. In this survival state-of-mind, fear offers me a way to silence my need to survive by convincing me to accept and follow a simple equation:

Me + Not Me = Wholeness

In bubble awareness, fear rules my consciousness. I imagine someone or something holds a value I perceive is missing in me, a value I need in order to feel complete. Once I attain that which I believe completes me, I enjoy a high of feeling OK. Yet, after a while, that artificial high wares off and I’m back to feeling fearful and incomplete. More than anything I want to feel whole and complete, yet fear pulls my attention back to the “I’m Not” problem that I feel needs solving.

Beyond Fear

While I keep my imagination firmly locked within bubble awareness, I continue to allow the fear process to nibble away at my energies until my body and mind can no longer sustain the feed.

One cannot escape bubble awareness using bubble awareness. One cannot use fear to cure fear. I must look elsewhere. I must look within… take charge of my attention… and…

Imagine beyond…