Attention Feeds My Fear

What I give attention to grows! I have a problem-solving mind. And because of this, my mind seems to forever need problems to solve. Sometimes I feel I’m creating the very problems I then must solve.

In my First-Second Degree of Illumination bubble awareness, I focus my attention on that which I fear. I fear what and who I perceive “I’M NOT.” It’s automatic and a problem that must be solved!

That fear adds a perceived value to what and who “I’M NOT”- a value I feel I’m missing. Problem! I may feel I gain a sense of being complete when I add that perceived value to an external substitute – like a loved one, pet or new gadget. Yet, that sense of wholeness is a temporary condition that convinces me that the addition completes my value. Problem solved! Or have I just created another problem?

Each problem I think I’m solving creates a drain on my energy and resources. This drain I call a fear-feed on my attention. Because I feel dependent on external value, I always have this unwhole problem to solve. This distracts my attention from those interests that validate my wholeness. I can take charge of my attention and focus it where my consciousness takes me – beyond measurable value.

A thought has no feed value without attention. The objective of fear is to capture and feed on my attention.

In bubble awareness, I associate fear with survival. In this survival state-of-mind, fear offers me a way to silence my need to survive by convincing me to accept and follow a simple equation:

Me + Not Me = Wholeness

In bubble awareness, fear rules my consciousness. I imagine someone or something holds a value I perceive is missing in me, a value I need in order to feel complete. Once I attain that which I believe completes me, I enjoy a high of feeling OK. Yet, after a while, that artificial high wares off and I’m back to feeling fearful and incomplete. More than anything I want to feel whole and complete, yet fear pulls my attention back to the “I’m Not” problem that I feel needs solving.

Beyond Fear

While I keep my imagination firmly locked within bubble awareness, I continue to allow the fear process to nibble away at my energies until my body and mind can no longer sustain the feed.

One cannot escape bubble awareness using bubble awareness. One cannot use fear to cure fear. I must look elsewhere. I must look within… take charge of my attention… and…

Imagine beyond…

Apollo’s Admonition, Watson’s Seeing, and Holmes’ Observation (pt 1)

Sherlock Holmes and James Watson captured the imagination of generations of mystery story readers – including me. I love mysteries. And love solving them. Mystery stories speak to the part of us that wants to know, “What’s going on?” To that question, my life represents the ultimate mystery to be solved. So, I turn to those I view as smarter than me – Holmes and Watson – to help me solve the mystery of my life.

“The game is afoot.”

A great mystery story begins simple – Holmes encounters a potential client who hires him to investigate something. In the process of investigation, Holmes and Watson uncover clues, evaluate evidence, interpret data, make hypotheses, and test theories. In the end, it’s usually Watson who triggers Holmes into making the “aha” that solves the case. Can I use their example to solve the mystery of me?

Let’s Start With Apollo

Inscribed in the forecourt of Apollo’s Temple at Delphi, the ancient Greek aphorism, “Gnothi Seauton” (know thyself), applies to me today. How can I ever expect to know truth until I know myself?!!

Within the sanctuary of Apollo’s Temple, the Oracle would pronounce, foresee, and challenge seekers from all walks of life. Apollo’s admonition was not new to anyone then or now – it is the basic credo of all philosophy and the essence of the Aha Zone.

“When you understand yourself, you’ll understand the laws you’ve subjected yourself to.” (Carol, Perspectrum)

Conversely, when you understand the laws you’ve subjected yourself to, you’ll understand yourself.

About Law

Life is how order emerges from entropy. According to the Second Law of thermodynamics, entropy is always working against order. Wherever order exists, laws define and govern its form and function – structure. Let’s consider four types of law governing each of us within the First-Second Degree of Illumination bubble of awareness.

  1. Universal – the structure of order regulates forces that define Cause and Effect. Universal Law defines WHAT CAN BE as a scope of perceptual limitation within wholeness. WHAT IS represents its current condition as I perceive it. Baseline of self-knowing.
  2. Societal – a system of man-made rules that regulate the actions of its members based on reward and punishment. Laws are about rules concerning mutual interests, agreements and interpretations. Regulation by social acceptance.
  3. Interpersonal – a system of rules for personal relationships – agreement based on emotional connection, mutual interests and approval. Regulation by emotional reward and punishment.
  4. Personal – a system of rules based on personal boundaries, where needs dictate a person’s actions, attitudes and values in relation to and separate from those of others. In this case, law is about personal protection and need satisfaction – regulation by wish and manipulation.

I suffer to the degree I misunderstand, work to impose my personal law on, or disregard other types of law.

How might I use law to fulfill Apollo’s admonition?

When I notice I’m suffering, I can investigate the mystery Holmes-style by recognizing that some aspect of me has misunderstood, imposed its will on, or disregarded law. Another part has come to the Oracle within me to ask for assistance in solving the mystery of me. The game of resistance is afoot.

To “get to the bottom of this,” I first set an intention to know my SELF. I then get quiet and focus inward to ask three questions:

  1. What’s happening in my life right now? (What is afoot?)
  2. How do I feel about that?
  3. Why do I feel that way?

…which help me develop the fourth question that I present when I imagine approaching my inner sanctuary where the Oracle, my law-interpreter, resides:

4. Who am I?

This last question is THE essential question Apollo required of his Delphi temple visitors. All of these questions are about my relationship to my perception of natural and man-made laws. By answering the questions above in their order, I might get a glimpse of the elusive “Self” I’ve heard so much about.

Next time, we’ll look into how Holmes’ observation of Watson may help me fulfill Apollo’s admonition to “know thyself.”

Convincing Words and the Third Degree

I tend to use the word, “so” as one of several convincing words to end questioning. Same with the words, “because” and “then” – transition words that move a concept from consideration to conclusion. I use them as Second Degree of Illumination defense to avoid Third Degree of Illumination inquiry and convince myself of my rightness within my First-Second Degree of Illumination bubble.

I use convincing words to invoke consensus as a defense and to halt further investigation. As a conjunction, the word “so” means, “and for this reason; therefore.” (Google) “Because” as conjunction means, “for the reason that; since.” (Google) “Then” and “therefore” conjunctions essentially mean the same as “so”.

Convincing Words and the End of Inquiry

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A Morning Quandary

I woke up this morning with a couple burning questions on my mind along with some disturbing answers:
Q – “Do I exist?”
A – “It sure seems like I do.”

Q – “How can I know for sure?”
A – “Damn good question!!!”

Q – “Why do I need to know?”
A – “Seems self-evident – so I’ll feel alive (you know, the opposite of dead)…”

I acknowledge that I find it more than a little important to know if I’m still alive. Moment-to-moment mechanisms within me monitor to make sure I continue to exist. When my heart beats, for example, my nervous system notices and sets up the sequence of events necessary to make it beat again – nothing quite like success to motivate repeat behavior. If it doesn’t beat or an element of the sequence fails, a cascade of body functions jumps into action to bring about another beat. Repeating this pattern seems important to me!

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Truth and Imagination

“I know what I know!”

My experiences are my truth, my senses don’t lie and neither does my mind. Since the truth we live by daily  is based on the relativity of what it supports. All aspects related to it must also be relative. – Truth – “the true or actual state of a matter.”

Is the actual state of a matter what we are perceiving or is matter behaving in a way we wish to see matter behave? Or is matter itself capable of creating a state of existence, independent of for that matter? Is there any truth to matter or is truth merely a philosophy considered to be a matter of fact? If this seems confusing imagine being fully in charge of your world and still things turn out contrary to your will.

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