memory

How My Life Story Controls My Life

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Due to my perception of ever-present danger inside the First and Second Degree Illumination bubble, I do whatever I can to control my life. I’m building what I believe is a safe representation of who I am in story form. My “documentary,” is a collection of memories, a string of emotional interpretations. Fear of not being right about my memories leads me to trust them when maybe I shouldn’t.

My story is actually a history of defense. I trust my memories to keep me feeling secure in the bubble.

What if I challenge my trust in my story? Would that challenge or invalidate my story? Would my story invalidate my life? How do I survive without a story I can justify? Do I need my memories to appear in chronological order to validate my belief in time?

Who’s in Charge Here?

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Why I Play the Memory Match Game

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When playing a game, I’ve found it useful and beneficial to know that I’m playing (awareness), that I understand the rules (how I play), and that I comprehend its purpose (why I play).

I must play the Memory Match Game because I need to be in control of my world, which I do through matching up past beliefs to present ones. For this reason and because I’ve automated much of the Game, I can become unaware that I’m playing.

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How I Use the Memory Match Game to Justify My Judgments

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My mind plays a Memory Match Game to justify my judgments.

My game of match-up is a kind of replication recall my ego uses to fulfill its need to be right. Matching memories with present experience supports my reality as I believe it to be. Validation from my past gives me a confidence about judging that feels successful.

When it comes to being right, my ego likes to hedge its bets by, 1) visiting memories of related events for past support, and 2) using imagination to modify or create memories in order to validate a present judgment.

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Evolution and Memory

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Remember the Telephone Game? Participants sit in a circle or line. The first person in the line receives a whispered message from the game host. The first person then whispers that message to the next participant, who whispers the message to the next person, etc., to the last person, who then speaks the message out loud. Invariably, the final message is totally different from the initial one. Our own memory system operates like that.

We trust our memories as solid and correct, and yet, the more we recall those memories, the more likely they are to be distorted to the point of being totally false when recalled later. The reason for the memory distortion is the fact that human memories are always adapting. It’s evolution in action.

“Memories aren’t static. If you remember something in the context of a new environment and time, or if you are even in a different mood, your memories might integrate the new information.” (Bridge)

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