A Fight for Love

In First-Second Degree of Illumination bubble awareness, I believe I have to fight for everything that supports my need to survive. I label whatever I feel works in my favor as love.

I fight against whatever threatens what I believe I’m right about. Nothing’s more worthwhile or noble than that, in my opinion. Thus, love equates to defending for what’s right and against what’s wrong.

What’s the payoff?

What’s the payoff for equating all this conflict and pain is about love? Why all the fighting and competition? Maybe to sustain my storyline?

While in bubble awareness, I cannot view my story from a perspective outside the bubble. Only imagine it – which imaginings would arise from within the bubble! This is how bubble awareness supports and defends itself – and keeps me in it!

Within my bubble awareness, I attend to those things that grab that awareness – especially those that might threaten my bubble, my life, my story. Attention tends to add intensity value to my story with use.

Compelled to Fight

To fight the good fight, I must invest all my attention into creating and maintaining defense. That means developing strategies intended to battle for and win the greatest of causes. One of those strategies is to feel right, proper and justified, a reward for all who intentionally do good.

Another reward for furthering the cause is an increase in sense of superiority. Helping others attain what they need and are unaware of can feel fulfilling. Such feelings allow me to justify my sense of separateness as I stand alone for rightness. When I’m in my element of being right, proper,and justified, I’m a hero! If only others could appreciate that. After all, it’s just common sense to praise all who believe as I do and feel loathing or pity for those who don’t.

Compelled by Love

Love compels me to fight for it. Because I know what’s right and wrong, everyone else should too. I feel frustrated and alone when I must carry out my duty of defending right from wrong – all by myself!

My defensive strategies have become routine. I convince others to join my fight of right-thinking through enticements, and I shame or threaten them with harm. The last type of convincer, the threat of harm, I save for when I’m feeling desperate! It’s my or else card, which I play as a last resort. It can feel a bit embarrassing when I have to shut my mouth, curb my behavior, and leave feeling unloved. I imagine negative thoughts of on-lookers as they stare silently back at me.

When a strategy fails, my imagination goes to work convincing me… again… why love, as I perceive it, needs defending. I sometime resort  to self-deception, which can feel petty, yet, at least I feel justified for trying!

Those who disagree with my truth are the losers. In this environment, I experience a level of self-vindication that satisfies my need for self-validation. I love the deep affirmation of love I feel each time I do what is right, proper, and justified.

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In Defense of the Secret

When something is secret, it’s hidden. How do I defend for or against what I’m unaware of?

In my bubble of limited awareness, I work at keeping a secret from myself, limiting my awareness. To remain in this trance, I hide a secret – substituting real with imagined data I choose to defend. Protected within my comfort zone fortress, I experience what I want rather than what is – even when I don’t like it. I didn’t say I was good at this!

What About the Secret?

What if I’m not seeking truth? Maybe it’s far too frightening, mind-boggling, and/or pointless for me to entertain. Instead, I want to experience a reality of my own making. Might that imagined “reality” require me to keep a bit of mystery, an unknown element, a secret? After all, if the secret were revealed, my fanciful reality might not be able to handle it.

Would secreting certain information out of my conscious reach allow me to hold onto beliefs that support my uncertain reality? With beliefs like lack, for example, I can entertain fantasies of competition. Through competition, I feel I can win back and compensate for what I’ve lost. When I become aware that any lack I experience is but a chosen perspective, I resolve the paradox, and the secret begins to reveal itself.

How Do I Defend the Secret?

In order to know the secret, I must trade all that I understand for it. To do this, I must question with full intent what I hide from myself. In this way, I willingly offer up my defense of overt rightness for covert understanding.

In order to do that, my will to understand must exceed my need to defend what I presently believe. I must get around my confirmation bias. To know the truth of something requires conscious thought. Knowing my propensity for blocking awareness of truth, I would want to challenge any concept I believe is true.

Thus, a single, well-defended secret prevents my limited mind from waking out of a hypnotic trance of my own making. I am good at this!

Why Do I Defend the Secret?

I like to think I have control of this world, able to make accurate predictions. This keeps me busy working to satisfy survival needs that distract me from knowing the secret. If revealed, the secret might end my fantasy, which might appear as death to me. This because the world I’ve worked so hard to build might be in jeopardy of oblivion. I’m not down for even the thought of that, so I defend myself from the secret – to the death!

I think I fear knowing in most situations more than I fear not knowing. Perhaps I defend the secret because my intention is to be unaware.

Who Defends the Secret?

With secrets, I create and sustain a persona of unawareness in which I experience a sense of me rather than me. I am who I imagine myself to be.

Even when experiences are hard to bear, I’d rather defend a known reality than to seek an unknown alternative. Thus, my limited awareness further limits my awareness.

Perhaps when the fundamental secret is revealed, I’ll discover that it is my intention to limit my awareness by defending the secret.

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Limitation by Design

Do I limit my experience – on purpose?

In my bubble of limited awareness, although I believe I live with trillions of other beings, I alone live within my thoughts. Everything and everyone I experience in this dimension of limitation are literally and figuratively phantasms of my imagination. To me “they” are simply concepts in competition with other concepts. My perception of a walrus, for example, is a concept that competes with my concepts of everything else. I’ve limited my perception of this because it is not everything else.

Everywhere and whenever I notice, I’m faced with solid evidence of limited experience in the form of paradox. That is, nothing is as it appears – ever! Everything appears as a paradox of  unreasonable reasons, illogical logic, timeless timeliness, and perceptions of lack in wholeness.

Adaptation = Limitation!

One explanation for this paradox comes from the theory of evolution. I perceive as I do as a result of millions of generations of adaptation to changing environment. Thanks to Mr. Newton, I now know that evolution follows the law of conservation of energy. Thus, it has keenly honed my senses to perceive me in relation to a limited number of needs-related aspects of my present environment. Rather than to compare me to ALL that is not me, I compare me with only that part of not me that I consider matters to me.

I don’t perceive EVERYTHING – even within the limited space of my own body. Just what I NEED to perceive in order to survive long enough to pass my genes along to the next generation. Those senses, skills, and education I don’t need or don’t use often enough fade away. That’s evolution through adaptation.

Attention = Limitation!

In this way, my mind considers every thing, person, or place as a concept.  To manage the perpetual competition among these concepts, and to avoid overwhelm, I limit the number I’ll attend to at any one time. That’s intentional limitation!

Evolution, then, is the result of a paradox in which one must limit their sensual and conceptual life experience in order to fully live.

Purpose = Limitation!

Perhaps the purpose of my life is not the achievement of wholeness – a paradox in that one cannot achieve what one already is. Rather, maybe my life’s purpose is to notice the enjoyment I get from the paradox of limitation by design.

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The Unless Option

Within my bubble of limited awareness, my policies conceptualize beliefs in the form of conditional statements, “if/when a condition is true, then do the following action…” It’s straight-forward and simple logic – the kind I use everyday. I perceive something so, I apply an action to it – even when that “action” is to do nothing. This, however, does not account for other options.

What happens when I insert “UNLESS” into my formula?

That is,

  • If/When I think a certain condition is true, then I will do a specific action… UNLESS…

The “unless” option introduces a challenge to my certainty about the original condition. Maybe it’s not true as I perceive it. This applies to every aspect of reality – from objective to subjective. Often this comes up when I realize my actions produced a result contrary to my wishes.

The First Action

In every case my first “action” is to process a thought. Thoughts are perhaps the only “things” I can perceive. For example, my companion says something nice to me. From their appearance to their words to my interpretations and judgements of the situation – all my thoughts.

There are times when thinking is the resultant action. What is the thought that prompted it? Because my thought process looks like, “If this condition (an idea/concept), then this action (a further idea/concept that may appear as physical activity)…” UNLESS…

Unless something else is at play here – which prompts me to ask myself some questions that challenge their underlying belief.

  1. “What ELSE could I be perceiving than what I’m perceiving right now?”
    (“My observation of this situation is right, unless…”)
  2. “How ELSE might I perceive this than how I’m perceiving it right now?”
    (“I’m doing the right thing, unless…”)
  3. “Why ELSE might I perceive what I’m perceiving right now?”
    (“My intention is right, unless…”)
  4. “Who ELSE am I than the one perceiving what I’m perceiving right now?”
    (“I am right, unless…”)

When I practice such thought provocation, I break up stuck thought patterns, clarify my intentions, and promote understanding of what I’m creating.

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The Something Out of Nothing Paradox

In my bubble of limited awareness, the First Law of Thermodynamics states that you can’t create something out of nothing. Yet, it would seem that that is exactly what is happening at the non-physical level of thought. Perception can do what appears to be impossible at the physical level. How?

Perhaps one way for a conscious agent to coexist between realities – e.g., thought and physicality – is through imagination. Does fear, as an absence of rational thought, exist outside of imagination? No! Imagination is the only place fear can exist as an influence by and to a conscious agent. This influence can disrupt an agent’s attention on the familiar and lock it onto the unfamiliar. When this happens, the agent can feel out of their comfort zone. The time they spend feeling afraid is the time it takes to regain rational self-directed focus.

Imagination can translate perception into fact and vice versa by means of paradoxical thought. Imagination uses this paradox in order to create a sense of balance. Balance is achieved when the paradox feels satisfied, e. g., when perception of physical reality satisfies non-physical thought. In this way, mutual satisfaction between realities appears to resolve the paradox. Thereby making something out of nothing.

Comparing Imaginary Values

Wholeness represents completeness, no needs to fill. In order to achieve wholeness, my goal, I must compensate for my lack of it. Through imagination I can assign internal values to external things. In this way, I believe I can compensate for the value I feel I lack. Thus, something out of nothing.

This is the essence of perspective. An imaginary point of reference from which I measure my beliefs in terms of imaginary values. This is how I relate external values to internal worth. The measure of an objective thing’s value is in my investment in its ability to represent my subjective perspective. Again, something out of nothing.

Because I believe I can achieve my goal of wholeness in this way, I’m committed to defending all my investments in this reality. My level of defense is based on my subjective sense of loss and gain in terms of objective value. Since loss and gain are constructs of imagination, values translate measurements into labels – good, bad, right, wrong, and better, worse. A paradox of nothing into something.

An ability to imagine loss or gain may well have the ability to live in two realities simultaneously. Turning nothing into something and something into nothing may be why thought can seemingly compensate and survive psychologically. In this way, my mind perceives a need filled – nothing perceived as something. Thus, the paradox.

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