feeders

Old Feeding on the New

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Or, how I resist change in a world of change, feeding on the new to preserve the old.

All stories, even literal ones, are expressed in symbolic ideas. Aspects of me enjoy feeding on ideas. From the author of the story who feeds on sales royalties to readers who devour the author’s story, everyone

I have to have a story-line – it’s my justification for existence. That story is at the core of every thought I have, every choice I make. It is the bones, the structure of my reasoning. Perhaps that structure has to do with my truths – my values. Who I think I am.

In my First-Second Degree of Illumination, babies represent the favored food of most predators. Predators tend to prefer their food fresh, full of vitality and possibilities, and easier to procure. It’s a fact of the jungle.

Inside my head, ideas compete for my attention. Those I attend to grow and mature while those I ignore tend to die off. Ideas represent life as experiences within the story.

Instinctively, well-established, well-defended, and predatory older ideas tend to devour newer, younger ideas. Even when a new idea is given attention and approval, old ideas may still overwhelm (“eat”) it. It’s part of my defense of rightness program.

Old ideas tend to follow a process of defense. This looks a lot like politics, in which I appear to make changes while not making a change:

  1. Resist change at all cost;
  2. Failing that – a new idea comes up – I seek to repeal the change;
  3. If repeal fails – and a new idea begins to stick – I seek to incrementally change it to resemble the old thought;
  4. Failing that, the old hides behind the new, seeking to take credit, mingling the old with the new and calling it progressive.

Feeding on Ideas

I’m pretty much an indiscriminate feeder – preying on all sorts of ideas in the form of emotions – as long as my “food” pleases my palette and satisfies my needs.

In this manner, I retain order in the jungle of my mind.

Through emotional sensitivities, I feed my need to keep the old-guard in place – resistant to substantive change. Even when I perceive change, things soon revert to “stable” old ways.

All this keeps old beliefs safely in place – and my conscious awareness securely within the bubble.

And yet, feeding promotes ever more feeding… until it can’t. Then what happens?

Everything Feeds Down Here

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“Everything feeds down here” represents my view of the instinctual world, in which every living thing must eat in order to survive. In this world, it feels like I have free will, and yet I experience a life of complete control – lots of “musts” and “have to’s” – needs.

All living things instinctively feed to survive. Humans have learned to feed on multiple levels of life, including themselves. There is a metaphoric similarity to the physical feeding process – at the psychological level. When the mind allows thoughts and emotions to create and play out need/fulfillment scenarios, loss and gain can seem just as real as at the physical level.

I define “feeds” as actions intended to satisfy a need by depriving another life form a choice of energy flow. A feeder is one who lives by this credo.

One type of feeder is the parasite, that takes from its host without apparent benefit to the host. I become such a feeder when I perceive a lack or need in my Self and consider a plan of action to fulfill that need at the expense and without regard for the welfare of an intended target. In that frame of mind, I seek out and find a target that represents what I believe will fill my lack. Then I act without conscience to take what I need – usually through attack. I then justify satisfaction of my need/fulfillment through defense of my actions – “I had to…” and “I had no choice…”

Soon, I find myself defending my defense – often by attacks of increased ferocity, which often results in even more feeding and more attacks. This self-supporting feeding pattern appears behaviorally like when one loses self-control – like losing one’s temper.

Recognize the Second Degree of Illumination defense in this?

Once a feeder draws life from its prey, a sense of disconnection occupies the feeder’s mind, which must forever after justify itself for an energetic reward. Psychological feeding becomes its own reward – a “fix” that I must have.

The feed process is a causal system:

  • the mind allows thought to perceive lack in its Self.
  • thought seeks to end lack by instinctual means – to act without conscience – conscious connection.
  • thought closes the circuit of its process by justifying its actions and by attaching emotional support to thought truth – memory.

My mind begins to understand wholeness as I practice being aware of connection. When I believe I am whole, I can believe I am my own source.