A Conversation with Conrad

I read an email group conversation in which my friend Conrad and another group member (AGM) were chatting:

AGM: “If you act nice to them, people won’t take you seriously.”

Conrad responded: “What the hell do I care whether I’m taken seriously?”

AGM: “Good point. But if it doesn’t help you, why be nice to people?”

C: “Sometimes it helps me [to be nice]. But don’t you just like being nice to people?”

AGM: “Sometimes. But then if they’re not nice back I get upset.”

C: “Yeah; just skip that part. How often are you nice to people?”

AGM: “Not too often. I’m usually waiting for them to do something where they deserve me being nice to them.”

C: “Then that’s not being nice. That’s being fair.”

(Edited excerpt from Mindlist, 2009)

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Fairlessness or the Myth of Fairness

“It’s not fair!”

Ever hear that? Perhaps you’ve even said it once or twice yourself.

the phrase that never pays

My concept of fairness is due to my threat vs benefit mental program that assigns significance by comparing the value of one thing against another.

The level of importance I place on my judgment determines my degree of need for defense against the threat of losing validation of my rightness.

What is fairness? Why is it important to me?

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