The Sacred Secret

When I was an infant, I didn’t ask questions – I just cried, ate, slept, and pooped. As I grew older, I asked questions about things I didn’t understand – my mother would argue I had a “why” question for just about anything at all. No matter the answer I’d get, I tended to accept my understanding of it as the truth. After all, I was asking my parents who were gigantic and therefor gods to me. I loved and trusted them because I knew no other way. They were sacred to me. I might question an answer – “And why is that, Mommy?” – but I’d never dream of questioning her or her motives! That was sacred ground not to be trodden.

I was so completely trusting and naive that it never occurred to me that I could question what I was taught. All I knew how to do was to accept what they told me as truth.

It was the beginning of a life-long journey in the sacred land of First-Second Degree of Illumination.

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The Entitlement Defense and Wholeness

Because I am special, I am entitled and deserve and have a right to special treatment. I’ll fight for my rights!

Could entitlement be a setup for defense? Hmm, could it BE a defense?

What, how, why, and who determines entitlement?

When living inside my First-Second Degrees of Illumination bubble, I hold certain concepts as absolute truths. One of those concepts is entitlement, which seems to take on a defensive posture towards wholeness – working to keep me safely tucked into a world of competition and comparison.

I intend to use entitlement as a means to bend wholeness to my will, to accommodate my need to feel special – as if wholeness can be manipulated. I confuse the concept of equality, a main ingredient in wholeness, with fairness, a main ingredient in entitlement.

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Sacrifice and Loss of Personal Value

I’m sitting at my computer typing this post. Suddenly, I feel the pangs of hunger. I get up and go get something to eat. I feel satisfied for the time-being. Later, I feel dissatisfied – hungry again. Lack -> pain -> movement -> satisfaction -> lack -> pain. It’s another loop. A sacrifice loop!

Why do I call it a sacrifice loop?

At some time in my past, I believed I was less than whole, incomplete. I lacked something. To bring me back up to speed, I had to invest in something – an object that I believed would make me whole again. I repeat this every moment.

Problem is – I was never less than whole. I’ve always been wholly me – I only believed I was otherwise. To accomplish the perception of less-than, I traded my self-as-whole to a false, irrelevant and non sequitur sacrifice formula that I support with physical evidence, emotional energy, and mental certainty:

Lack = Needs = Pain = ME!

It’s a formula that can never be satisfied because it is untrue. Falsity can never be truth!

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Turn Second Degree Defense into Third Degree Questioning

Occasionally, I ask questions about my experience. “What is that?” “Who did that?” “Why?” Usually seeking to place blame on someone else or to justify my behaviors or position – to make me feel right. In other words, I’ve used a question as a defense.

I may use a question to satisfy a need as in, “What must I do now?” Answering a question in order to satisfy a perceived need tends to settle my consciousness back into the safety of First Degree Illumination – the “non-disturbed state.”

Questions are the doorway to Third Degree of Illumination consciousness – choice. And yet, I see that I also use questions in Second Degree of Illumination defense. That’s due to the nature of  questions and the presuppositions (intentions) behind them. When I ask a question, the answer to which I already know, I’m likely to invoke confirmation bias to satisfy my question and defend my belief or behavior. I’m not questioning my defense – instead – merely defending with a question.

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