Get Serious!

All that I’m certain is right? All the judgments I’ve defended with my life? Total bullshit! Why? Because I now recognize and appreciate the ambiguity of life. A lifetime of adherence to my belief in one absolute truth and no others is absurd! Now that’s funny!

Sometimes war rages within me between “I need to defend my beliefs against any challengers” and, “I choose to question a belief.” Bridging the gulf might ease or stop that war within.

In my limited state of awareness, I judge differences in perception in terms of clarity and confusion of thought. It’s a war of interpretation. If the judgement is about right and wrong, I must interpret my beliefs through limited understanding of both. That because my limited awareness causes me to view everything as a competition of this/vs/ that. Then I defend one side against the other. That’s war!

Ambiguity and Too Many Alternatives

Of course there are times when too many alternatives can give too much flexibility and insufficient structure to my thoughts in a selection process. Yet, the extremes of my selections can reveal the nature of my biases.

I define ambiguity as being open to more than one interpretation – more than one way can be suitable. Of course, if I feel that openness leaves me vulnerable to being judged as frivolous, I might consider openness a threat. Perhaps my defense of seriousness is more about agreement than rightness, unless they are the same. This can be said of my defense of ambiguity as well.

My sense of certainty about what’s right and what’s wrong limits my scope of experience. With intention of focus and purpose, I’ll narrow my choices and experiences into one perfect misunderstanding of everything without ever knowing its alternative.

Where certainty is rightness, ambiguity must be wrongness. How certain am I about that? In limited awareness, some uncertainty is always present. In a vast universe mostly unknown to me, how arrogant of me, in my bubble of limited awareness, to think I know enough to be certain about anything? It’s absurd!

Love that Certitude!

Although in certitude I feel right, justified, and/or proper, the limitations it imposes invites a challenge to the absurdity.

Perhaps I could use the humor in absurdity to question the necessity for defense while lessening the probability of initiating one.

When I begin to recognize the ambiguity inherent in my life, some part of me may put on the doubt breaks – “Wait a second… something just ain’t right here…” As I question my certitude, the absurdity of my truths surface. I may then realize I’ve played a joke on myself.

Imagine the absurdity of all the effort I’ve put into forcing truth onto an illusion. All the while, struggling to survive based on my dogged adherence to a paradoxical belief. The joke lands when I realize the absurdity of the situation and laugh about it.

Getting Serious!

Maybe it’s time for me to get serious about embodying ambiguity – and the freedom doubt offers. Gratitude!

A paradox, sitting at the bar. One turns to the other… and smiles.

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Aced Out! A Blue Jay Metaphor

Sometimes, nature provides an obvious metaphor for me to enjoy and incorporate into my life. From their acrobatic flight style to their azure color, we love blue jays, Several live close to us. We also enjoy their apparently playful nature.

We put unsalted peanuts out on the back porch occasionally and enjoy watching our little jays sort through, pick out, and fly away to secret them.

The jays don’t eat the peanuts. Rather, they fly away to bury them. We later find peanuts in our garden beds, our compost pile, in our grassy areas – everywhere.

We lay out peanuts and then watch from our vantage point above the action. The fun begins when more than one jay notices the peanuts, which is common because we call them when we put the peanuts out.

Aced Out!

One jay I’ve named Ace after the Toronto Blue Jays mascot busies himself chasing the other jays away from the treasure hoard. There’s plenty for everyone, but Ace apparently believes otherwise.

Ace misses out on the feast because he is so busy chasing his competitors away. Chasing away each of the other jays, Ace works himself to exhaustion. Meanwhile, his companions fly in behind him and swipe every bit of his hoard. In the end, we see Ace standing by himself on the porch with no peanuts to enjoy.

It appears he has lost his hoard to his companions because he sees them as competitors. Thus, perhaps he actually lost out to his own fear, greed, and sense of lack.

Had he shared his hoard with the others, he would have had his fill. Because of his fear-driven belief in lack, his need to protect what he believed was his alone, and his greed, he left himself with nothing.

Ace repeats the performance every time.

A Metaphor for Me

I’m looking at all the times when I felt lack in my life – and what I did about it. How I’ve chased away others because I feared they would take what I believed was mine alone. How I’d sought to protect what I believed was my property by warding off others – rather than enjoying the abundance with them. All those times when, while I was away fortifying my belief in lack, others enjoyed the bounty I refused to see.

And most important of all – what will I do with the lesson of this metaphor? Will I reach out to connect with others or continue to chase them away? Will I join in the feast or continue to busy myself working to satisfy a need that isn’t there?

There’s a lesson our beautiful jays are showing me. What will I learn from it?

Will I continue to ace myself out or will I choose another way?

Thank you, Ace!

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My Music Calls Me Home

Ever listened to a piece of music and felt tears welling up? I hope you have – it’s a marvelous feeling. I’ve wondered if my reaction to such music connects “me” to a familiar timelessness from which we all spring. I wonder if such music is a call to come home – to our hearts.

C’mon Home

When I was a child, my mother would call out my name when it was time for me to come in to lunch or dinner. Her voice represented the mystical mother and son reunion of my ancient origin – home. Even today, I love to hear her voice – music to my heart.

Like many fellow humans, I feel a certain loyalty to family, town, and country. I’ve associated my name with these. Wherever I am in the world, I carry these identity markers with me.

Wherever I find myself in time, I carry a unique pattern of musical markers. These identify my particular song in the timelessness from which my consciousness arises.

My Musical Home

In my bubble of limited awareness, I find it easy to get caught up in the business of comparing, competing, and defending the right. I can sometimes get busy doing – so many projects, so many jobs, so many thoughts to consider.

Sometimes all this work gets tiring and I find myself wanting a break from it – a longing for home. One of my favorite methods for dealing with the loneliness is to indulge myself with music that inspires me to remember who I am.

Sometimes, the music calls me to trust my heart to take me where it will. I may then find myself deep in meditation that fills my gratitude pool to the point where it begins to spill over, cascading welcome-home tears down my face. Even when I’m far away in thought, the music brings me back to my heart.

Gratitude is my home.

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Resistance and Acceptance

Once upon a time, I bought an item online and then changed my mind about the purchase and canceled my order after it had shipped. The seller charged my credit card and when I called, said I’d have to pay return shipping plus a restocking fee. That’s when the battle began.

Both of us resisted the position of the other. We both felt we had sufficient evidence to support our positions – it had moved from transaction to principle. We were both right.

It appeared we were headed to court. I lined up my documents and so did they. Each time I’d call, the tone of our conversations devolved. It was an unpleasant encounter each time.

Finally, the product arrived. I’d invested quite a bit in it, paid what felt to me to be quite a bit for shipping, and now I was faced with shipping it back at my expense. I was faced with taking a loss on this and I don’t like to lose! Not happy about it at all!

A Miracle – Choice!

Then, a miracle occurred. Over breakfast, Carol sweetly reminded me that my resistance to this whole thing was at the root of it all. She asked me, “What would happen if you stopped fighting and started accepting?”

That had not once occurred to me. Funny how you can write about love and light and neglect it so obviously. What would happen, I wondered, too?

We discussed it through the day. I meditated about it. Then, I slept on it. During the night, I dreamed about it – just who is in charge of living my life?

The next day, I boxed up the item and shipped it back at my expense. I smiled at and thanked the FEDEX employee who handled it. I accepted the credit card charge. As gratitude returned to my heart, I could feel my blood warming as I accepted what I’d created.

I didn’t “give up” or “surrender” or “accept my fate” – rather, I’d felt the love of Self my resistance had pushed away from my awareness. I had accepted accountability for my creation.

At this point, some might expect me to write that the merchant relented – that my “revelation” had changed the situation for them as well. Yet, that would spoil my story with a Disney-esque outcome based on a false equation – that magic controls the universe.

As it turned out, I paid shipping in both directions, the merchant received their product, and refunded the purchase price minus a stocking fee – exactly as they’d repeatedly told me they were going to do. They had kept their word. Resistance or acceptance on my part did not figure into that formula.

What did figure in was my attitude. For a week, I was unconsciously “pissy” and “moody.” I’d allowed my “bad” transaction with the merchant to cloud my sense of gratitude for the world around me. Looking back, I realize how the transaction portrayed and exposed my judgment of diminished personal Self-worth. When I placed the original order with the merchant, I was pissed at myself and hadn’t yet acknowledged and accepted it. I’d transferred my attitude into the transaction that reflected it.

Remember, soon after I placed the order, I was invested and faced with taking a loss – I don’t like to lose. That is SO First-Second Degree of Illumination bubble awareness thinking! Thankfully, Carol reminded me of a Third Degree of Illumination choice I’d forgotten.

Onward to Acceptance and Gratitude

When the conscious acceptance came, so did the warm sunshine of gratitude return. Nothing had changed about the transaction – except my acceptance of me – and that made all the difference. I now honor the merchant for keeping their word. I’ll likely buy from them again as they were prompt and honorable. Why? Because that’s who I am.

Resistance transformed into acceptance. I had felt the transition from Second Degree of Illumination resistance to change – defensiveness – to a Third Degree of Illumination choice – to Fourth Degree of Illumination acceptance.

Gratitude.

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Simplicity and Complexity

Understanding frees my mind from the complexity of simplicity.

Okay, I get it – life is complex. It’s so complex that maybe I can’t fully comprehend how complex it is. Maybe I could accept the fact and simply give up working at making any kind of change in my life. After all, I can’t accurately predict the outcome of whatever action I might take to effect that change because my actions are in the context of a complex adaptive system – life.

Read more Simplicity and Complexity

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