Sacrifice and Loss of Personal Value

I’m sitting at my computer typing this post. Suddenly, I feel the pangs of hunger. I get up and go get something to eat. I feel satisfied for the time-being. Later, I feel dissatisfied – hungry again. Lack -> pain -> movement -> satisfaction -> lack -> pain. It’s another loop. A sacrifice loop!

Why do I call it a sacrifice loop?

At some time in my past, I believed I was less than whole, incomplete. I lacked something. To bring me back up to speed, I had to invest in something – an object that I believed would make me whole again. I repeat this every moment.

Problem is – I was never less than whole. I’ve always been wholly me – I only believed I was otherwise. To accomplish the perception of less-than, I traded my self-as-whole to a false, irrelevant and non sequitur sacrifice formula that I support with physical evidence, emotional energy, and mental certainty:

Lack = Needs = Pain = ME!

It’s a formula that can never be satisfied because it is untrue. Falsity can never be truth!

That doesn’t stop me from trying to make it true, though. And that may be the source of the pain I feel in sacrifice.

My particular brand of sacrifice keeps me inside the First-Second Degree of Illumination bubble where I fear and avoid pain and seek out pleasure – rather than accept my wholeness that includes all sensations, emotions, and thoughts. The concept of circular thinking in which thoughts coalesce is little islands of separateness firmly belongs to experience in this bubble.

I use pain to remind me of my belief in lack, need, and the false formula of sacrifice I live by.

Sacrifice Trades Awareness of Wholeness for Belief in Lack

I create a thought loop when I:

  1. perceive myself as less than whole
  2. seek wholeness
  3. assign values to things as a substitute to make me feel whole
  4. loop back to 1

Within the First-Second Degree of Illumination bubble…

With this thought loop I create a way to see my value outside myself – a sort of proxy or substitute for wholeness that I divide into separate aspects to which I assign values. A substitute or proxy isn’t me, yet I imagine that its value compensates for what I feel is lacking in me – another impossible formula!

For example, I might buy a new car, diamond ring, house, boat, pet, and etc. to fill my sense of loss of a loved one, self esteem, and etc.

A proxy can be anything I wish to represent my lack. Whatever I assign value to can manipulate what I believe and has power outside myself.

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