Once upon a time, I bought an item online and then changed my mind about the purchase and canceled my order after it had shipped. The seller charged my credit card and when I called, said I’d have to pay return shipping plus a restocking fee. That’s when the battle began.
Both of us resisted the position of the other. We both felt we had sufficient evidence to support our positions – it had moved from transaction to principle. We were both right.
It appeared we were headed to court. I lined up my documents and so did they. Each time I’d call, the tone of our conversations devolved. It was an unpleasant encounter each time.
Finally, the product arrived. I’d invested quite a bit in it, paid what felt to me to be quite a bit for shipping, and now I was faced with shipping it back at my expense. I was faced with taking a loss on this and I don’t like to lose! Not happy about it at all!
A Miracle – Choice!
Then, a miracle occurred. Over breakfast, Carol sweetly reminded me that my resistance to this whole thing was at the root of it all. She asked me, “What would happen if you stopped fighting and started accepting?”
That had not once occurred to me. Funny how you can write about love and light and neglect it so obviously. What would happen, I wondered, too?
We discussed it through the day. I meditated about it. Then, I slept on it. During the night, I dreamed about it – just who is in charge of living my life?
The next day, I boxed up the item and shipped it back at my expense. I smiled at and thanked the FEDEX employee who handled it. I accepted the credit card charge. As gratitude returned to my heart, I could feel my blood warming as I accepted what I’d created.
I didn’t “give up” or “surrender” or “accept my fate” – rather, I’d felt the love of Self my resistance had pushed away from my awareness. I had accepted accountability for my creation.
At this point, some might expect me to write that the merchant relented – that my “revelation” had changed the situation for them as well. Yet, that would spoil my story with a Disney-esque outcome based on a false equation – that magic controls the universe.
As it turned out, I paid shipping in both directions, the merchant received their product, and refunded the purchase price minus a stocking fee – exactly as they’d repeatedly told me they were going to do. They had kept their word. Resistance or acceptance on my part did not figure into that formula.
What did figure in was my attitude. For a week, I was unconsciously “pissy” and “moody.” I’d allowed my “bad” transaction with the merchant to cloud my sense of gratitude for the world around me. Looking back, I realize how the transaction portrayed and exposed my judgment of diminished personal Self-worth. When I placed the original order with the merchant, I was pissed at myself and hadn’t yet acknowledged and accepted it. I’d transferred my attitude into the transaction that reflected it.
Remember, soon after I placed the order, I was invested and faced with taking a loss – I don’t like to lose. That is SO First-Second Degree of Illumination bubble awareness thinking! Thankfully, Carol reminded me of a Third Degree of Illumination choice I’d forgotten.
Onward to Acceptance and Gratitude
When the conscious acceptance came, so did the warm sunshine of gratitude return. Nothing had changed about the transaction – except my acceptance of me – and that made all the difference. I now honor the merchant for keeping their word. I’ll likely buy from them again as they were prompt and honorable. Why? Because that’s who I am.
Resistance transformed into acceptance. I had felt the transition from Second Degree of Illumination resistance to change – defensiveness – to a Third Degree of Illumination choice – to Fourth Degree of Illumination acceptance.
Gratitude.
