My mind plays a Memory Match Game to justify my judgments.
My game of match-up is a kind of replication recall my ego uses to fulfill its need to be right. Matching memories with present experience supports my reality as I believe it to be. Validation from my past gives me a confidence about judging that feels successful.
When it comes to being right, my ego likes to hedge its bets by, 1) visiting memories of related events for past support, and 2) using imagination to modify or create memories in order to validate a present judgment.
Gaming the Memory Match Game
In order to succeed at my game, I isolate specific memories with specific emotions from my past that most closely resemble how I want to view my present experience. When that fails, I create or modify memories so that they do match. Either way, I get a match and validation – I’m still a game winner and right.
It’s not an easy game to play. I may have to bend or outright break the rules of honesty with myself in order to make a match I can justify. When it comes to the match game, my ego is “in it to win it” and is not above cheating.
My denial of the rules of self honesty has brought suffering that ceases as I choose honesty about my memories and let go of my present need to be safe about keeping things the same.
