In the act of perceiving, I relate content to context. My interpretations of that relationship affect the meaning of my experience(s).
My mind divides this relationship into three categories –
When I feel a need to defend one of those categories, I must combine my perceptual memory with imagination to effect a concept. My imagination must be active and versatile enough to accommodate the demands of varied thoughts I need to link in specific configurations –
- and etc.
Seamlessly woven together to produce what seems to make perfect sense to me.
Expectation is a kind of directed value I put on my past beliefs to create a future I imagine. I apply justifications of equal value in defense of what I expect.
I realize I need to make my life work the way I want it to because I don’t like the feeling of being out of control to a reality that seems insane. When I feel I’m being set up to experience that reality, I resist!
To avoid becoming insane myself, I play a game of win or lose with sanity verses insanity. It’s a causal game that pits me against myself, in which I play against my “whys” verses the whys of my projection. My whys help me create the logic for my justifications of what I believe should be real or unreal.
I make my projection real by attaching emotions to what would otherwise be light and shadow. I take charge of my imagination by placing it under the capable management of will power. Whether I feel excitement or disappointment I can justify either by playing a game of self-deception I can win.
I wager my projection of an outer reality against the house (inner self) of who I am. I can’t afford to lose my investment in expectation. My reality pacifies my rightness through justification of my rightness – until it doesn’t. I must then roll the dice – chance appears as expectation. I hope that what I will, will be. To reassure myself, I simply trust my luck as though it were control.
I need the safety of believing I’m right because I fear if I don’t believe, I won’t be safe. I intend to convince myself that I can control a predictable reality – because I don’t want to believe my reality is unpredictable and unsafe. To defend myself from this sense of an unsafe future, I depend on my predictable past:
Past = safe = good
Future = unsafe = fear
Therefore – believing that I can apply the certainty of the past to the unpredictability of the future, I interpret:
Past = Safe
Future = Safe
I think my justifications are logical reasons that prove why my expectations have value for awakening that uncertainty would deny. Yet both expectation and justification would use awakening as a tool to forever defend its possibilities. I rely on a past perceived as awakened to influence, guide and direct my future. I adhere to that future as truth – what WILL happen.
As long as I need to defend what IS, my need keeps me from the peace I am right now.
What I defend I cannot know.