Hidden Intentions and Missed Opportunities

Within my bubble of limited awareness, everything relates to me, the central character – “I.” I view intention as an integral part of the process of getting my needs met. When those expectations that follow my intentions aren’t satisfactorily filled, I look to blame someone or something. So, when I can’t successfully find somewhere to place blame, I’ll at least justify my disappointment with general criticisms.

While in my bubble of limited awareness, all intentions are intended to defend what I believe. Righting wrongs, fixing the broken, picking the best, making sure, etc. Building a case that supports my perception as the right/true perception. This quixotic belief is a perfect setup for un-intended outcomes.

I intend only good. When something else happens… “It wasn’t me!”

Unintended consequences are never my fault, they just happen or are someone else’s [wrong] intention. For example, I compliment someone and they take offense – which was not my intention. In my limited awareness bubble, I ask myself, “How could they take offense at my good intention?” “Why did they take offense (what’s their problem)?” and most importantly, “Who or what is to blame for this [offensive] situation?”

These questions, however, are merely my limited self-image persona – ego – imposing its defensive nature upon an opportune moment for unmasking hidden intentions.

What Opportunity?

That which I interpret as unintended outcomes may actually be manifestations of my ego’s hidden agenda. These intentions probably reside within my perceived identity – who/what I believe about myself – who I am.

Generally, when I perceive an unintended outcome, I intend to act upon the environment the way I perceive it acts upon me. Push-for-push, I defend myself as quickly as I feel I can against a hostile force outside myself.

For example, “That’s not what I intended” is a deflection defense that acknowledges the outcome while avoiding accountability for it.

Due to my avoidance, I’ve developed a superficial identity based on my defense against this impermanent environment. Aware of it or not, I have become my defense. My intention has become defense. My identity is defense. I am defense – which I defend!

Protecting the Status Quo

Is it possible to develop a clear understanding of one’s identity… outside of survival?

My survival has always been to do what seemed the most expedient and right according to my immediate understanding. Further, learning to get along with others and adopt their philosophies often overshadowed my own. I did this to preserve the integrity of my identity. This in an environment of competition and defense, acting in accordance with my benefit-vs-threat philosophy.

Usually hidden intentions reside in the realm of subconscious awareness. That is, I’m unaware of my intentions until they “pop up” and reveal themselves. I’m surprised by my own intentions. As a result, this hidden agenda often catches me off guard – in ways that trigger defense.

Defense elicits no inquiry to attain understanding because I’m busy attending to defense of my rightness. Perhaps “unintentional” simply means well-defended (hidden) intention.

No inquiry means no unmasking. No unmasking leads to more defense of who I believe I am as a defensive agent in competition against others. This defensive identity leaves me without an intention to understand who I truly am.

Thus, by hiding intentions, I protect the default self – I am defense – from inquiry.

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