This is the fifth installment in a series of posts, Seven Degrees of Illumination.
Level Four – Personal Accountability
I recognize the competition and see it for the fantasy it is. I feel a need to balance the scales of justice I upset. There is a sense of loss over my misunderstanding of my value that grieves me for projecting that onto others. A keen sense of compensation in the form of payment as a sacrifice comes upon me – I must release something of value equal to the deficit I feel I’ve created.
I realize that life is based on exchange – giving to receive – trade.
Once awakened to this realization, my compulsion to be judge, jury and executioner for all of life begins to fade. I sense a new found freedom to experience life responsibly, starting with cleaning up the messes I created in the past. Time to pay the piper!
I accept the cause and effect relationship my thoughts and actions have on what I perceive. I recognize the difference between honest interaction with my environment and the con game I was playing. Competition and confrontation start to give way to cooperation and acceptance.
A New Me
A new creature begins to be born in me as I take responsibility for my own creative thought processes. I experience a broad range of emotions as I transition from asleep to awake. The effects of my choices now become real as I acknowledge the potential of my intrinsic value.
In this stage, I gain a glimpse of the real me, illuminated by the light of acceptance of my own accountability. As my mind begins to connect in balance with my heart, I close the gap of misunderstanding where I invented an ego to fill that perceived need.
Previous to this stage, my ego was free to play the game as it pleased. In the “fight or flight” levels, I considered ego useful, maybe essential, to survival of my mind and heart.
My mind gives equal value to my heart.
Now I begin to view ego in an entirely new light. I now realize I must account for my ego, embracing it while taking full responsibility for my behaviors while under its control. As personal accountability begins to surface, my heart and mind start to work together to reign in and take charge of my ego.
Even after accepting accountability for my creations, if I revert to blame, I will return to stage one. Doing accountability is a skill that improves with practice. I can practice catching backslides, noticing slippage, releasing fear of calamities, and seeking the honest, real me.
With awareness and continued commitment to acceptance of personal accountability, I can move on to the next stage.