I’ve noticed that some significant people in my life get very defensive when I say something that touches their “issues” – which is bound to happen in general conversation now and then. I don’t mean to cause them pain so I usually simply avoid such gestures, colognes, and etc. – LIMITING MY LIFE and THEIRS!
What gives? Why should I live in fear of their defenses or in fear of hurting them? Why don’t they just get over it ??!!! or get help??!!!
Maybe It’s Time for some Education!
What if it isn’t that s/he’s so defensive – rather, it’s that s/he’s so defensive IN MY PERCEPTION. That is, from the standpoint that EVERYTHING is MY creation – impulses in MY brain and my interpretations based on MY judgments and reasons and conditioning, etc. Even if it were true that there are “other people” besides me on the planet, I still experience them in MY WAY. “They” exist only as figments of my imagination. We’ve discussed this before so it’s not a new concept. Everything/everyone is I/ME.
So…
I have to ask myself, WHY DO I CREATE DEFENSIVENESS IN ANOTHER PERSON? What does it mean to me that I perceive them as defensive?
It’s a metaphor created BY ME FOR ME! It’s them, alright, and it probably has meaning for them as it is their defensiveness – yet it is ME who is perceiving and judging them as defensive. My perception of them matters TO ME more than to anyone else – because in a very real sense – there isn’t “anyone else,” THERE IS ONLY ME.
The challenge for me is that it SO strongly appears to be “their issue.” It’s as plain as day that I don’t have an issue – it’s clearly and obviously THEM what’s got the issue!
Have you ever noticed how easy it is to see issues in other people and so hard to see issues in yourself? Yeah, I got that issue, too! I can plainly see that YOU have an issue with something – else you wouldn’t be so defensive about it. But what the heck does YOUR issue have to do with me? The answer to that question is the education I get from asking it.
So – I’m asking.
What does my perception of your defense mean to ME? When I’m quiet enough and willing enough and accepting enough and CURIOUS enough – then maybe I’ll hear the answer to that question – and get a mighty fine education as a result.
What do you (I) think?
