Fear and Completion pt 1

Stop what you’re doing!

Right now!

Feel interrupted? Do you feel some body sensations, too? How much do you recall of what you were thinking just before stopping abruptly?

Life is made up of processes that appear to have a beginning and an end – even repetitive processes. We acknowledge in patterns a starting point and an ending or transition point.

A process is a thought or action that has a measurable beginning and an end to its specific function – like a bedtime story that has elements of a beginning and an ending. We tend to expect ends to beginnings.

My mind creates a schematic, a blueprint of a process I intend to experience as both start and finish. Through physical manifestation, my mind expects my body to fulfill that process. My investment or expectation of the logistics, purpose and results of the process is dependent upon how important it is to me to be right in envisioning its course. If interrupted, I feel threatened with failure in that imagined process and become more determined to finish or less hopeful of a projected outcome – dependent upon my need to prove rightness.

Being right has always been the most esoteric reason for existing. Yet, there would be no survival without that element of feeling successful because I was and continue to be RIGHT – in my estimation. To perceive I’ve been thwarted from my success by incompletion is like preparing a meal and then not partaking in it – like a joke without a punchline or a cliffhanger that keeps me in need of rightness in the form of completion.

Due to a fear of being wrong, my mind tends to seek to avoid or defend itself against incompleteness. When it can’t avoid incompleteness it will imagine completeness – so I can continue to be right. My belief: I must be right at all cost.

My sense of completion is evidence of my NEED for – and thus perceptual lack of – wholeness – because wholeness to me equates to rightness. My belief: completeness means wholeness means rightness.

To me (my ego) being right means survival – in nature if you are not right you do not survive. When my mind senses lack of wholeness, using imagination it will attempt to improvise – filling in the blanks or adjusting the content of a process to bring about a feeling of completion, experienced as a feeling of wholeness (refer to Level two of the Seven Degrees of Illumination). My belief: completion means survival!

When survival has been successful – and it has because I’m alive!!! – the mind feels that it is safe because it made the right choices. When my mind makes the right choices, I feel whole and complete. Secure – that ALL needs can be satisfied through some form of control over my environment. My belief: completion means security.

Sometimes I feel I must force my will on life in order to feel safe – and when I have compliance or a sense of obedience or submission to my will, I feel satisfied, justified, and secure. Success strengthens my forceful behaviors for the next time I feel insecure. My belief: completion requires force of will.

Occasionally, I see that my forceful behaviors and attitudes are not in harmony with my environment – usually evidenced by my recognition that I’ve harmed myself or others. This gives me an opportunity to let go of what I used to think was necessary behavior and thinking. When I let go, I’m more willing to replace old methods, old thought processes, with new. My belief: I can be incomplete and safe. I can try new things and be safe doing it. This encourages evolution of mind.

Connecting ALL the dots  is an unnecessary effort, unless I’m playing a…

Oh! Maybe that’s exactly what I’m doing. hehehe…

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