In an earlier post, we discussed how I defend the defenses of my defenses. I wondered how I came to this condition. It occurs to me that values may be at the heart of my defenses.
When I value something, I tend to protect it. I feel I can more easily let go of things I value less. I may not even notice things of no value.
In other words, for any given thing, its level of value to me determines my level of defense of it.
Value <=> Defense
Imagine a gorilla who finds a shiny bobble on the floor of his cage at the zoo. I can determine his level of value for the thing by his behaviors after finding it. He might hover over it, hide it, or show it off as his, depending upon his position among others. All are defensive behaviors that show his value concerning the thing he found.
In the earlier post, we discussed how I protect my most treasured beliefs by surrounding them with defenses. After a while, the defenses take on the appearance of those beliefs and become themselves the treasured beliefs that must be defended. In other words, I find myself defending my defenses as though the defenses themselves were beliefs of great value.
Defending the Light…
Suppose that at my core is pure 100% light. I might call it the light of Source, God essence, the Spark of Life, and etc. – that which is of the greatest and highest value to me – greater than any treasure I can presently imagine. Recognizing its worth might I seek to ensure its proper care? Might I seek to protect it by defending it?
There are those who would argue that such an amazing treasure should be shared with everyone – to which I would agree in concept. Realistically though, isn’t it more likely I would instead feel a strong urge to defend such a prize against uncaring others who might treat it with disrespect or destroy it?
Let me put it another way –
I consider aspects of my Self of significant value – worthy of protection. Over time, I’ve so successfully defended those values representing Self that I have lost sight of what it was I treasured and instead now refer to my defenses as what I value as Self. I call those Self-defenses “core beliefs.”
I’ve disguised and hidden the light within me from me, and I’ve given care to make sure you don’t see it, either. Defense by obscurity and obfuscation.
Instead, what you and I see of me is at best “core beliefs” that are most likely “core defenses” – the “box” within which is held safely that treasured light. Like believing a car IS the driver within it.
Is there a light at the core of my being that I protect because I find it of such immense value? Do I hide from view the diamond within? If it is true that the greatest light is that which I am within, that I protect with massive defenses, how might I get a glimpse of it, when I’m so busy manning the battlements while it is kept in the stronghold? Am I doomed to be merely an ever-vigilant guard on a watchtower, never allowed to “see the light?”
Who am I really?